Life After
by xforeverquotex
Summary: It's after the Reaper war and Arizona Shepard has woken up in a hospital room and given only basic information of the war. The Normandy is gone, a species destroyed, her wounds almost healed, and the war is over. Ari wants answers about everything, but also wants to escape from it all. As Arizona finds her way, will there be anyone left to stand with her? Post Destroy.
1. Chapter 1

So now I wait. I wait here pretending that my world isn't crumbling. But then again, when is my life not falling apart now? Before society was cruel, unforgiving, untrustworthy, unloving, and dark. Now what is left? London is crumbled with the casualty count higher than any other war ever fought. The price was too high. I came to as much peace as any human could with the death of my whole colony being killed by slavers on Mindoir. But I never would wish anyone to have the experiences I have had; not even some of my worst enemies. I lay here, in a white room, too clean for any marine's taste, and all I hear is the sluggish beeping of the heart monitor. All that the small room leaves me is my thoughts. At this point, my own thoughts are as dangerous as the Reapers themselves. I think of all the pain I've caused as a soldier, but by ending the war, I caused more suffering than ever before, and ever I thought possible. There is no more synthetic life. It's gone. I did not kill a small colony, not even a small planet. I destroyed a whole species. They probably are keeping me in this secluded room so people do not kill me. These synthetics that fought alongside us, on my crew, who were lovers to some of my closest friends, were killed at my hand. Legion's death at Rannoch was for nothing now. Joker probably would rather dance on my grave right now than rejoice over my ability to survive impossible odds again. It has been exactly seven hours and twenty seven minutes since I have woken and I've been told that bare minimal information by a nurse checking my stats.

What I have learned since my waking: I've been in a coma for three months, I was trapped under the rubble from the destroyed Citadel for two days, synthetic life was no more, the Normandy was missing, but I am going to live. Life. I never thought I would grow tired of hearing that I'm going to live another day. What's the point any more? Live so they can strap a few more medals to my chest? So they can parade me around like a hero when I know I'm anything but one? During my coma, most of my injuries have healed due to my extensive cybernetics. I can't stay anymore. I refuse to be the cause of any more destruction. I need to leave Earth, this life, everything. The thing that kept me going… No… the PERSON that kept me going, was no where to be found. I had my mind set and there was nothing that was going to change it. I was going to find out what was left of galaxy after the world, and then I was going to disappear for good.

I am Arizona Shepard, and my time as a survivor of Mindor, lone wolf of Akzuze, and savior of the galaxy, are done with. My life without guns strapped to my back are to begin. What's left for me in the world, I don't know, but to hell with it. I'm going to find out on my fucking own.

**Author's Note: So hey guys! I'm alive! I've been gone for so long, I just got discourage with writing and just ran out of inspiration. But here is an excerpt on what I'm thinking about starting. It's a post destroy series with an inside look at domestic Arizona Shepard after the war. I'll be looking at more of her emotional scars from her life time and how she has evolved. This will be a piece with a pairing of Femshep and Zaeed Massani. Ideas? Suggestions? Thought? Continue (Y/N)? Can't wait to here from some of you guys :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Sneaking out of a hospital was not easy when your body protested with each movement, not used to the sudden activity. After wandering through the halls trying to avoid any contact with people to keep my identity unknown, I found the doctor's locker room. Peeking my head in, I saw no one in the room. As quick as my aching body would allow, I scurried into the room and started rummaging through lockers looking for clothing that was not an ugly hospital gown like the one I was wearing now. I came out victorious with a black sweatshirt with a hood, and a pair of grey sweatpants. I had nothing with me except my memories of who I was and the monster I had become, and I bolted out of the glass sliding hospital doors with my head down, hoping for a new beginning.

"_In other news, Commander Shepard, Savior of the Galaxy, has gone missing. It has been only a short while since the Commander has waken from her coma, and the authorities are looking into where the hero we all thank could be…."_ The television in a bar I passed by spoke rapidly of the breaking news that the "great" savior is gone. I didn't have time to care, I just needed more information on everything and there was only one place to go.I put my head down and pulled the dark hoody over my head and navigated the streets of what was left of London.

After a few hours of trying to get my bearings of London, I finally found what I sought: Alliance Headquarters. The building was one of the few establishments that were up and running again. I slipped through the doors and walked up to the front desk. The receptionist at the front desk was blond with a short pixie cut, and was tapping away at her omni-tool furiously. With my eyes averted down and the hood of my jacket still pulled low, shadowing my eyes, I addressed the small blond headed girl.

"I'm looking for Admiral Hackett." I said firmly, trying to not give away my identity.

"Do you have an appointment?" The blond asked with a bored tone as she didn't even look up from her omni-tool."

"No, but I'm—" I started when the receptionist cut me off.

"Well I'm sorry but he is unavailable without an appointment. Please have an authorized appointment scheduled with him and try again." The blond spoke mechanically. I finally lost my patience for the arrogant women. I scanned the room and saw two security cameras and one armed guard pacing in front of the windows facing the streets. I turned back to the receptionist. I smiled, looked at the blond who was still paying no attention to me and spat out one last request to her. "Funny, but your going to open the fucking doors before I have to tell Admiral Hackett that a receptionist gave his own fucking daughter a hell of a time just to see her father," I seethed. The receptionist finally looked at me with wide eyes and her mouth moving but not words were being formed.

"Uh, I, didn't know the Admiral had a daughter…" the receptionist stuttered, flustered.

"Well it wasn't any of your business. Are you going to let me up or am I going to have to call him down here and cause unwanted trouble?" I bluffed.

"No! No! It's fine, just take the elevator on your right, and head to the fifth floor." The receptionist squeaked out. Before the blithering blond could ask any questions, I moved past the desk with clearance for the fifth level. I made my way into the elevator, trying to avoid my face being detected by any cameras in the building. As the elevator doors opened to the fifth floor of the building, I moved forward, opening a set of large wooden doors. The doors led into a spacious office with a view of London. I closed the doors behind me and went to sit down in the large chair with a back larger than my head could reach, that faced the large windows. I sat down in the leather chair and curled my legs under me, feeling like a little kid again, and stared out the window, trying to plan what to do after I found the information I needed. Will the information matter in the end? No. I know that I just need to disappear. It's for the best.

Lost in thought, I let one foot slide out from underneath me to touch the floor and move so that the chair would slightly spin. I continued like this, not hearing the doors open behind me, nor the click from the safety being turned off on a gun.

"Put your hands up, step out of the chair and turn around slowly," a gruff, gravely voice said.

"That isn't any way to treat the Savior of the Galaxy, now is it?" I joked, not moving from the chair. I heard the sharp intake of breath from the man standing behind me.

"Shepard? Where the hell have you been? You should be in the hospital—" Hackett began before I cut him off. I twirled around in my chair, stood up in his face and said, "Don't tell me where I should be, or what I should be doing, because I came here for answers and then I'm gone." I stared right into his grey steely eyes with my own piercing blue ones. Hackett, calms as always, gestured to the chair for me to sit down.

"Anything Shepard," Hackett said back to her. And the rundown of questions began. As Hackett talked, Shepard had all the memories of the War, and the fights, stuff that she had a hard time remembering before, come rushing back as she sat in his office.

**Authors Note: Hey guys, I'm so glad that so many of you guys messaged me with your thoughts and ideas on the story, I love it! Next chapter will start of with the memories that I mention in the last sentence to give some information of how everything was left after the final battle of the war. Let me know what you think!**

**- xforeverquotex**


	3. Chapter 3

"_Normandy do you copy? I need an evac, right now!" I yelled holding my breath waiting for a reply. There was only a static response from Joker about heavy fire that the Normandy was in. my heart sank, I looked left and right at my two comrades sitting behind the mako with me. Ashley looked at me with, for the first time, fear in my eyes. When I looked over at the injured Zaeed Massani, I found in him the man that I had come to love; the scarred mercenary with a rough exterior, and to most, an awful personality. She knew that she had to get them both out of here. I heard the sounds of large engines coming down towards their position and looked up to find the Normandy. Relief filled my heart, and I stood up and took Zaeed's right arm and put it over my shoulder, helping him limp to the Normandy as fast as possibly with Ashley covering them from behind. _

_Once they reached the very start of the Normandy's hatch, I handed Zaeed off to Ashley and walked part of the way of the ramp before Zaeed called out. "Shepard!" Zaeed cried out, with fear in his eyes. _

"_You gotta get out of her Zaeed," I tried to reason._

"_Your bloody wrong if you think that's going to happen," Zaeed said as he tried to push away from Ashley's hold on him._

"_Don't fucking argue with me Zaeed," I said, trying everything to get him to safety as my heart slowly broke._

"_Don't you dare leave me behind," Zaeed said trying to say it as a threat, but coming out more as a plea, as he breathed heavily, probably from broken ribs._

"_No matter what happens," I said as I started to walk towards him, "I love you, always." I said as I put my hand on his scarred cheek. I could see the conflict clouding Zaeed's eyes saying the three small words that neither of them thought they would say._

"_I love you too," Zaeed said. "But dammit, you better come back to me, alive," he said. One screech from the reaper beam told me that they had to leave now. I ran down the ramp, took one last look at the crew she was leaving to allow them to survive, and yelled, "Go!"_

"Shepard," a familiar voice called through the haze that I was in. I blinked my eyes a few times to see Admiral Hackett waiting to answer my next question. I straightened my back as much as I could with my injuries to get the answers I needed.

"Sorry sir, I got lost in my thoughts," I said.

"We are calling me sir now? And now the receptionist thinks that I have a daughter?" The admiral said with amusement in his eyes.

"Sorry about that too, it was the only way she was going to let me in." I said apologetically. I needed to move on to the questions that I needed the answers to. "What's going on with the clean up effort?" I asked first, even though that wasn't the most important question on my mind.

"The clean up effort is going slowly. Most of the other species are helping a little bit where they can, but they also are working on getting transports up and running again to make their long trips home. The relays are broken, so all of the scientists that were working on the crucible have dedicated their time and effort to getting those up and running again. Many people are trying to use this time to take over power over the Alliance. We still have groups of Alliance members trying to keep the peace where they can," Hackett said as he stood in front of his own desk, while I sat in the chair behind it. He continued with, "Shepard, you once again went against impossible odds and won. We are forever in your debt and would like to promote you to…"

"Stop," I said, raising my hands to cut him off. "I don't want another medal, or a new rank. I don't want pity for my injuries, nor do I want to be a public figure, or the poster child for all of the galaxy," I said. "I just want some answers." Hackett nodded his head and waited patiently.

"I know what your looking for commander," Hackett said. I shot my eyes up out of curiosity. "You are wondering about the Normandy and your crew," Hackett continued on, staring her in the eyes, looking for any reaction.

"And?" I said nonchalantly, trying to keep all my anger, curiosity, and hope in check.

"The Normandy flew out to a safe distance once the crucible was fired. The crucible pulse, we believe, stopped the engines of a couple of ships that were taking refuge at a distance out near the relay. We believe they crash-landed somewhere, but along with the engines, all of the tracking signals and distressed beacons seem to have been stopped too. There has been no contact from the ship since." Hackett said, waiting for my reaction. I didn't know what to do. The only people that I truly wanted to live and see, and no one has heard from them since the Reapers were killed. I nodded in reply to Hackett's answer, and stood up, heading out the door.

"Shepard," Hackett called out. I slowly turned around with my hand on the door to leave. "Where will you go?" Hackett asked.

"Where the Alliance can never mistrust my intentions, where my every move will no be questioned, where I will never be known as the Savior of the Galaxy, and where no one will find me to ask me to destroy a whole fucking system of bartarians," I said, nearly screaming the last accusation. I could see the hurt in the admiral's eyes as I mentioned the destruction of a whole batarian system. I put on my hood to conceal my identity, and ran out of the Alliance headquarters.

All that I could think about was my team, decaying on some random planet, dying, and there was nothing I could do. The throbbing in my leg was becoming increasingly worse the farther I walked, probably due to the injuries I sustained, but nothing mattered anymore. Earth held nothing for me. Everyone that ever mattered was most likely dead… they always seemed to be.


End file.
